and delay, they say (poem)

like water like rain
i have the reasons why
but it still does not make sense to me
such fear and disdain stuffed into one tiny body and brain
i do not know how i ended up here
and i do not know what is ahead or what will remain

so many times i have scraped the bottom
and thought yes this is where i will stop
but underground is a long long ways
and it seems even frozen tundra will make more room
for new pleas of helplessness and hopelessness

i want to believe in the ladder in front of me
but so many rungs look broken and so many rights look wrong.
there is always an end to madness i say to myself
but tomorrow always seems like a better day to start
and my today always seems to turn into tomorrow