i am the wind (poem)

i feel trapped by recovery
knowing what i know now
and cannot un-know

i have decisions to make every day
some that look back at me in black and white
and others that settle into the shadows of gray

it’s the space in between where the urges pause
that make my back itch
and my scalp molt

it’s like sitting on the edge of a high cliff
wondering if the wind will come by
and knock me over

except it is not like that at all,
unless i am the wind

and i am the wind….
but i am the thunder and lightning, too

and all of these decisions rest with me
and recovery is just the word i use
to know which direction
i should take