Author Archives: bellelancaster

in the waiting (poem)

the discovery happensin the waiting years pass (merely minutes)i trudge along looking for distractions there is an unveiling of sortsin the waiting, in the weighting… frustration, overwhelm, confusionimpatience, disappointment, worryraw, restless memories of soggy oatmealpushing up my throat a strange aftertaste lingers in my mouthwhen the urge has passed,when it’s okay to unbuckle it tastesContinue reading “in the waiting (poem)”

What is Normal Eating? (resource)

These are my goals!! Normal eating . . .   is going to the table hungry, and eating until you are satisfied.  Normal eating . . .  is being able to choose food you enjoy and to eat   it and truly get enough of it—not just stop eating because you think you should.  Normal eating . . .  Continue reading “What is Normal Eating? (resource)”

Getting to Know Fullness (exercise)

Now that I am eating meals and snacks regularly, it’s time to work on detecting my fullness levels. I’ve been so out of touch from denying my hunger cues, that I have little understanding of how to gauge my feelings of fullness, not to mention the difference between feeling full and feeling satisfied! I amContinue reading “Getting to Know Fullness (exercise)”

trade offs (poem)

i can feel iti can absolutely feel iti am not full, i am becoming fat my stomach toppling over my waistmy thighs knocking togethermy upper arms jiggling against my sides the end of the world falling on top of me!as my appetite for foodreminds me that i’m human —but how could i still be human?!?afterContinue reading “trade offs (poem)”

i am the wind (poem)

i feel trapped by recoveryknowing what i know nowand cannot un-know i have decisions to make every daysome that look back at me in black and whiteand others that settle into the shadows of gray it’s the space in between where the urges pausethat make my back itchand my scalp molt it’s like sitting onContinue reading “i am the wind (poem)”

Exploring Body Image (recovery exercise)

Exploring Your Body Image  I think I must have been unaware of my body in 1st or 2nd grade… I had the joy then of playing sports without any body consciousness.  I think I became aware by 3rd grade when I realized how much smaller other girls looked in their uniforms compared to me.  Confident,Continue reading “Exploring Body Image (recovery exercise)”

sit it out (poem)

it bubbles up like soda popor the back of a book coverwaiting to pop my frustration crawls along the wallsleaving dirty fingernail marksagainst the cream tinted paint and nothing bad is happeningjust the normal parts of life but when i add them to a tragic equationthe bell gets rungand my eardrums bleedand i cannot hearContinue reading “sit it out (poem)”

Unbalanced/Distorted Ways of Thinking (recovery exercise)

Another exercise from “8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder: Effective Strategies from Therapeutic Practice and Personal Experience” is to review many cognitive distortions and see which ones apply to me. Below are the distortions I think affect me. All or nothing thinking: This is also known as black and white thinking or perfectionistContinue reading “Unbalanced/Distorted Ways of Thinking (recovery exercise)”