the ghosts of yesteryears (poem)

what happens in the space between
within the tiny dots connecting time
moving us from one second to the next

what happens in the override
when addiction surpasses reason
making the body bow down to unholy gods

a fervor arrives in rapid descent
driving the fork in and out, up and down
faster and faster and faster until suddenly–!
it is too late to stop
and madness takes the head seat at the table

as the spell breaks, and the fog disperses
shame begins to swirl
wrapping itself around the outer edges of feet and hands
so thick one cannot reach beyond

it has happened again
without consent but with my full obedience
i cannot remember the last time regret
did not accompany me here

such a lonely spot in hell, it is
as the roof of my mouth burns with hate
as the sum of my actions add up to zero
as the days and months tick by
shackled to the ghosts of yesteryears