Writing Assignment: A Great Day in the Life of Recovery from My Eating Disorder (exercise)

“There Will Be Cake”

To be free of the obsession….that is what a day in the life of recovery will look like. 

A day in the life of recovery firstly means I’m not constantly monitoring if and when I need to throw up throughout the day, or worried I won’t be near a toilet when the time comes. I’m mentally free of a horribly exhausting chore…my body is something I just intuitively nourish, my appetite is not something I fear. It’s just a blissful non-issue.  Concerns about food no longer steal valuable time from my day.  I choose foods that make my body feel nourished and strong.  

I can keep healthy food and dessert food in the house. 

I wake up in the morning and my first thought is not about how empty or full my stomach feels.  I eat breakfast regularly. I don’t have to think about when or if I’m hungry. I’m eating regularly enough that my body anticipates food when I wake up, and I give it food.  

I go to a yoga class whenever I want during the day — I don’t have to plan it around the state of my stomach.

I’m able to play an impromptu game of tennis with my family — I have the energy for it and I’m not worried about the state of my stomach. 

I’m not scared we might lose power, and I won’t be able to vomit because the toilet won’t flush.

I can have a piece of pizza and birthday cake at a birthday party. 

I try out a new dinner recipe for my family, which I’m not afraid to taste as I make, and I’m able to enjoy with them in the evening. Then I play games with my boys and tuck them in, actually paying attention to them and our time together, because I’m not distracted by obsessive thoughts about food or my hunger or plans to throw up.  Then, because I have the time freed up by not bingeing/purging after they’re asleep, I read a book or work on my blog or watch a movie with my husband. I do something I want to do.  I have a little bit of me time. And if I crave something sweet before bed, I have a few vanilla wafers or a piece of chocolate or a small scoop of really quality ice cream. 

I’m not delaying bedtime because I’m worried about food rising up in my throat because I overate and I’m uncomfortable.  

I’m not worried about the effects of my diet on my breastmilk giving my son gas. 

I’m not feeling ashamed about the money I waste on vomited food. 

I’m not thinking about my teeth because I’m not contributing to the damage anymore.

I’m not worried that today is the day my husband or kids will discover my secret. 

I’m not worried that today is the day my esophagus will burst and I will die while I’m vomiting. 

A day in the life of recovery means that food is not deciding whether or not I’m going to have a good or bad day.  A day in the life means I’m just living.