When I met with my therapist EF on March 4 she gave me a meal plan that has absolutely changed my life. It’s the simplest thing in the world, but it’s my first exposure to it. It’s actually my first exposure to any kind of meal plan or approach to eating aimed at recovering from an eating disorder. How that can be, I don’t know. To say I’m a little angry that all the psychologists and social workers I’ve seen throughout the years never thought to connect with me a dietitian would be an understatement… but at the same time, I’m just glad I’ve been introduced to it now!
I assume there are slight variations, but I’m eating 3 meals and (at least) 3 snacks a day, without letting more than 3 hours go in between eating. Each meal has to have 4 food groups (grain, fat, protein, dairy) and each snack has to have at least 2 food groups (can include fruit or vegetable here).
I started doing this on Thursday March 5 and I am not kidding, I have not purged one time since! And I have followed it religiously, so I am getting a lot of calories. I don’t like to think about how much I’m eating but I have an idea about the ballpark total. Totally normal… which for someone with an eating disorder is an outrageous amount.
Not drinking any coffee or tea or chewing gum has been critical to this process. I am not allowed to suppress my hunger anymore. I’m waiting for the cues. And I eat. Very thoughtfully. Dinners especially are hard, but I’ve found completely hanging my eating environment has helped, as does eating with both feet on the ground. Who knows why, it’s a tactic she suggested.
My body is adjusting to food and I’m feeling bloated and uncomfortable but the pride and self-esteem and hope I’m getting from eating like a normal person outweighs that by mountains! Speaking of weight, though, I’m starting to get nervous the scale. My dietitian said it wouldn’t even be a true weight for a few months anyways, as my body shakes out water retention and stabilizes. I don’t know if that’s true but it was enough to convince me that weighing myself right now would not help anything.
EF also reminds me that recovery is linear and if I were to binge/purge or stray from the plan that there will be valuable information in the hiccup to help me continue moving forward.
The journey so far has God written all over it. I really am not capable of doing this by myself.
Onward.
Tasting Freedom 