wanting recovery – Tasting Freedom

i am the wind (poem)

i feel trapped by recoveryknowing what i know nowand cannot un-know i have decisions to make every daysome that look back at me in black and whiteand others that settle into the shadows of gray it’s the space in between where the urges pausethat make my back itchand my scalp molt it’s like sitting onContinue reading “i am the wind (poem)”

Unbalanced/Distorted Ways of Thinking (recovery exercise)

Another exercise from “8 Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder: Effective Strategies from Therapeutic Practice and Personal Experience” is to review many cognitive distortions and see which ones apply to me. Below are the distortions I think affect me. All or nothing thinking: This is also known as black and white thinking or perfectionistContinue reading “Unbalanced/Distorted Ways of Thinking (recovery exercise)”

Rise Up & Recover App

I’ve using an app called Rise Up & Recover to log my meal plan, and I LOVE IT! I record what I eat (meal log) but I also record how I’m feeling while I’m eating. In addition, there is a section for notes/context and a section for ED behaviors done around the eating. I amContinue reading “Rise Up & Recover App”

Writing Assignment: A Great Day in the Life of Recovery from My Eating Disorder (exercise)

“There Will Be Cake” To be free of the obsession….that is what a day in the life of recovery will look like. A day in the life of recovery firstly means I’m not constantly monitoring if and when I need to throw up throughout the day, or worried I won’t be near a toilet whenContinue reading “Writing Assignment: A Great Day in the Life of Recovery from My Eating Disorder (exercise)”

Writing Assignment: Worst Day Of My Eating Disorder (exercise)

I’ve been doing this so long, I have multiple memories related to the horror of having an eating disorder run and ruin my life. 7th grade – First time purging in the half bathroom of our kitchen. I chose one of the hardest, messiest foods to throw up – spaghetti. I remember being so painfullyContinue reading “Writing Assignment: Worst Day Of My Eating Disorder (exercise)”

Graphs of food intake

Reviewing the utter insanity of the anorexic and bulimic food intake was extremely powerful and motivating for me. I see spikes of pain, loss of control, hopelessness and self-hate in the lines jagging up and down across these pages. I see white knuckles and doubt, fists balled up so tightly you can’t breathe, and cuticlesContinue reading “Graphs of food intake”